What People Don’t Tell You About Hypervigilance and Childhood Wounding

If you're walking around in a state of hypervigilance, it’s time to make a shift. The lens you’re viewing the world through is limiting you more than you realise. There’s a different reality waiting for you, one where you can be present, authentic, and free.

You might be thinking, “That’s not me.” But I challenge you to hear me out. I’m going to share some thoughts, actions, and emotions that might be popping up when you’re in a state of hypervigilance—and how you can spot them. If you’re feeling resistant right now, that’s actually a sign you need this more than ever. Keep an open mind and ask yourself, “How could this be me?” instead of shutting it down.

When you're in hypervigilance, your brain tries to tune you out. It distracts you, makes you wander, and keeps you in survival mode—all in an attempt to keep you safe. But it’s limiting you. If you’re constantly scanning your environment for threats, you’re living in a comfort zone built on fear. It’s time to step out and live a life that reflects who you truly are.

This blog is about helping you embody your highest potential—because that’s what I want for you. I want you to live a life that’s truly reflective of who you are, free from the patterns that keep you stuck.

How Childhood Wounding Ties In

As children, we see our caretakers as the centre of our universe. We believe they are infallible because, as children, our survival depends on them. We need to believe they can do no wrong for us to feel safe.

But sometimes, something happens. A harsh word, a raised voice, or witnessing something that doesn’t feel right. Instead of understanding, “They’re having a bad day,” or “This is on them,” your young mind internalises it as, “I’m bad. I’m wrong.” It’s painful, and that wound stays with you. In that moment, part of you closes off, and you start to lose trust—in your caretaker, the world, and ultimately, yourself.

As these moments accumulate, you begin to shut yourself off. Openness feels too risky. You start to feel like there’s something wrong with you, so you hide the parts of yourself that are vulnerable. The more you do this, the more you become conditioned to wear protective masks—masks that are there to keep you safe but are not who you truly are.

And here’s the truth: this doesn’t just happen in childhood. It can happen later in life—during school, in relationships, or with friends. Any experience that wounds you deeply enough can cause you to close off, even when you never intended to.

Why We Stay Stuck in Protective Mode

Over time, this conditioning becomes a constant state of self-preservation. It’s like living with an invisible filter through which you view the world. You’re operating from unconscious beliefs that shape how you show up, often without even realising it. You might find yourself in situations that confirm your fears: “It’s not safe to be me,” “People can’t be trusted,” or “I’m the problem.”

The issue is that this fear-based comfort zone starts to feel familiar, even though it’s limiting you. You begin to push away people who genuinely care about you, doubting their kindness or fearing their intentions. In some ways, negative or critical people might even feel “safer” because that’s what you’re used to.

If you never address this, you’ll keep attracting experiences that confirm your fear-based worldview. You’ll stay in situations or relationships that perpetuate the same cycle. Even though it hurts, it feels safer because it’s what you know. To your wounded self, this feels less risky than opening up to new possibilities.

The Path to Healing: Awareness and Action

If you’re stuck in this cycle, I want you to know that there are different levels of healing to unlock in your journey. The key is to focus on what you really want, trusting that what’s possible for you is greater than what you’ve been living. You’re reading this right now for a reason. Deep down, you know there’s more to uncover, and I want to help you break through your current reality and step into the life that’s waiting for you.

5 Signs of Hypervigilance and How to Shift Out of Them

Hypervigilance often stems from trauma, fear, or emotional wounding. It’s your brain’s way of keeping you safe, but as I’ve explained, it ends up holding you back from showing up authentically in the world. Here are five signs of hypervigilance and how you can begin shifting out of these patterns.

Behaviour #1: You Always Have to One-Up People

Example: A friend shares a recent success (“I just landed a new client!”), and instead of celebrating them, you respond by sharing your own success and trying to top it, “That’s great! I landed two clients last week!”

Why This Happens: Deep down, hypervigilance makes you feel like you’re not enough as you are. You think that by one-upping others, you can prove your worth and gain security.

What You’re Trying to Achieve: You want to feel significant, safe, and worthy, and you believe that comparison or competition will give you that sense of security.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Constantly comparing and trying to outdo others only isolates you and keeps you trapped in a cycle of insecurity. It doesn’t lead to the connection or self-worth you seek; instead, it reinforces the belief that you have to prove yourself.

What to Do Instead: Celebrate others' success without needing to top it. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel unsafe here?” and “What part of me feels inadequate?” Shift your focus from comparison to self-validation.

Behaviour #2: You Struggle to Feel and Communicate Your Emotions

Example: When your partner asks how you feel about something important, you find yourself going blank or changing the topic instead of sharing openly.

Why This Happens: Hypervigilance comes from the belief that showing vulnerability or emotions will leave you exposed to judgment or rejection. You learned to shut down emotions to protect yourself from perceived threats.

What You’re Trying to Achieve: By avoiding emotions, you think you’re keeping yourself safe from hurt or rejection.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Avoiding emotions only causes them to build up, leading to stress, anxiety, and disconnection from yourself and others.

What to Do Instead: Start small by acknowledging your emotions—say “I’m not sure, but I think I feel overwhelmed.” Share these emotions with people who offer support, and practice being vulnerable with yourself first.

Behaviour #3: You Struggle to Ask for Help

Example: You’re overloaded at work, but when someone offers help, you say, “I’m fine,” even though you’re overwhelmed.

Why This Happens: Hypervigilance stems from a fear of being let down or rejected. You learned early on that you couldn’t rely on others, so you take everything on yourself to feel in control.

What You’re Trying to Achieve: You want to maintain independence and avoid the disappointment of depending on someone else.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Doing everything yourself leads to burnout, isolation, and missed opportunities for real support and connection.

What to Do Instead: Start by asking for help with small, low-stakes tasks. Recognise that needing support is not a weakness—it’s a natural part of being human. Allow others to care for you, just as you care for them.

Behaviour #4: You’re In Your Head—Especially Around the Opposite Sex—Worrying About How You’re Perceived

Example: You’re on a date and can’t relax because you’re overthinking: “Am I being funny enough? Am I saying the right thing? Do they like me?”

Why This Happens: Hypervigilance stems from a fear of judgment and rejection. Your brain stays in “threat detection” mode, scanning for signs of disapproval or perceived flaws.

What You’re Trying to Achieve: You’re trying to control the situation to avoid rejection, hoping that overthinking will help you avoid mistakes.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Worrying about how you’re perceived keeps you disconnected from the moment and the other person. It heightens your anxiety and makes it harder to form a genuine connection.

What to Do Instead: Take a deep breath and focus on being present. Shift your attention to enjoying the interaction and being curious about the other person. Remind yourself that you're there to connect, not perform.

Behaviour #5: You Feel Like There’s Never Enough

Example: You get a promotion, and the moment you start celebrating, you instantly think, “I should have asked for more” or “I’m still not where I want to be.”

Why This Happens: Hypervigilance creates a scarcity mindset, constantly focused on what’s missing or what’s next. It feels unsafe to be content with “enough.”

What You’re Trying to Achieve: You think that striving for more will secure your safety or keep you from failing. It’s a coping mechanism to manage the fear of not having enough or being enough.

Why It Doesn’t Work: Constantly seeking more creates burnout, dissatisfaction, and prevents you from truly enjoying what you have. It’s a cycle of always chasing, never fully satisfied.

What to Do Instead: Practice gratitude for what you already have. Celebrate your achievements before jumping to the next goal. Remind yourself that you are enough, and what you have is enough. You don’t need to chase validation anymore.

Unlocking Your True Potential

Hypervigilance is a protective mechanism that no longer serves you. It’s time to break free from survival mode and step into a life that reflects your true self.

You are worthy of peace, connection, and authenticity. By recognising these behaviours and shifting your focus from fear to healing, you can begin to unlock your true potential.

You are worthy of the life you’ve been longing for.