How to Reclaim Your Self-Worth: The Power of Being Present in Your Relationships

For so long, I didn’t even realise my emotional needs were valid, let alone how to speak up for them. I was the “cool” girl—easygoing, passive, just going with the flow in my relationships, thinking that would keep me loved and accepted. Deep down, I had no idea that I was allowed to voice what I wanted, let alone have it respected. It wasn’t until I felt the constant weight of anxiety creeping in that I knew something had to change.

I was putting all my attention on him, on us, and making his needs more important than my own well-being. I often felt anxious, triggered by his actions, but I tried to play it cool, not overreact, and not let him see how much it affected me. But the truth was, I was questioning my worth every time he didn’t show up in the way I thought he should. I made it mean I wasn’t good enough, and it left me feeling unseen, undervalued, and disconnected from myself.

The Patterns

It was during those moments of anxiety and self-doubt that I finally got it: I can’t use people or situations to make me feel worthy—only I can do that. It was a huge wake-up call realising that I was the one responsible for me feeling good. I needed to hold that as my standard and focus on keeping that energy within me. This realisation was the beginning of my journey back to myself—to honoring myself and needs.

I started noticing the patterns. I’d crave his validation, waiting for him to do or say something that would make me feel seen. And when he didn’t, it felt like a blow to my self-worth. If he didn’t want to spend time with me, I took it as, “You’re not good enough to spend time with,” and it would hurt. But in reality, his decisions had nothing to do with my value. He could treat me like gold and cherish me, or he could choose not to—it still didn’t dictate my worth. That’s on me to define and uphold.

Learning to Be With Myself

The real work began when I realised I had to be with myself through learning how to hold my center, no matter what was happening outside of me. It wasn’t about controlling him or the situation; it was about controlling how I showed up for myself—and life! I needed to keep my power, even when I felt triggered. I had to constantly pull myself back and ask, “What am I feeling right now? What need am I trying to have met by him and how do I meet that myself"?”

It became this ongoing practice of returning to myself, nurturing me first, and holding that space. I started to see my triggers not as proof of my unworthiness but as little signposts pointing me to where I needed more healing—where I still wasn’t taking responsibility for my needs. And it was messy. It was uncomfortable. But it was so necessary for me holding my power and increasing my self-worth.

Seeing and Validating Myself

This whole journey of self-validation was tough to say the least, but it was eye-opening. I realised that if I allowed behavior that didn’t feel good, it wasn’t because I wasn’t worthy—it was because I hadn’t set my boundaries yet. I had to figure out if I was acting from a place of wholeness and asserting a boundary to honor myself or if I was trying to fill a void through someone else. There were so many moments of pausing, feeling my emotions, and choosing to not abandon myself through the process.

It was also about learning to be okay in the unknown, sitting with my discomfort of not having the answer, and not needing to control every outcome. Healing, for me, meant finding safety within myself—trusting that I am enough, no matter what. I started validating my experiences, embracing whatever I was feeling, and making sure I was nourishing and holding myself first.

Reclaiming My Power Through Presence

The most transformative part of all this was learning how to truly be with myself. It was about practicing presence—validating my own emotions and showing up for me. Working with a somatic coach like myself helped create that safe space where I could be seen, challenged, and supported. Hearing someone else validate my experience, without trying to change it, was deeply healing.

Your worth isn’t negotiable with outside sittuations or people. When you stop giving your power away and reclaim it, you remember that your value has always been there.

The most important connection you’ll ever have is with yourself. When you honor that, everything else falls into place.